Gyms make you fat

Gym memberships make you fat.  This will be a moment of revelation that has been sitting in the back of many fat people’s minds who will now be punching the air with their pudgy fists shouting “I knew it!”  This does not mean gyms are a bad thing.  Gyms could be awesome if you didn’t need to sign into a yearlong contract that will probably steal money from you for far longer than that.  If it weren’t for that I would probably be in the gym all the time.  I would think to myself, “I fancy a work out”, and I would go down and do ten or fifteen minutes and then leave feeling better about myself.  The problem is I can’t do that because I don’t have a gym membership.  If I did have a gym membership then I would think, “I am spending £40 per month on that gym, if I am going to get my money’s worth then I will have to stay in their for at least an hour.  I can’t be bothered to do that, I think I’ll go to the pub instead.”


If you have immense will power then you can use the gym everyday and make sure that you are getting your money’s worth.  But if you do then you will realise that by the end of your contract you have spent several weeks, in which you could have been earning money, staring at a wall, or a t.v. screen if you are lucky, having paid £500 odd quid for the pleasure.  For the rest of us we will have spent that £500 on using a few machines for a couple of hours and then not bothered going again because we were too busy.


The way to lose weight is not to go to a gym.  Gyms are not for fat people.  Gyms are for thin people who enjoy gyms, vapid though they must be to endure such mind numbing boredom year after year.  I suppose one of the things that keep them coming back is that gyms are a great place to meet similarly vapid, slim beautiful people.  Yet more evidence that gyms are not for fat people; fat people would ruin the whole gym culture.  The only part that fat people are supposed to have in gym culture is turning up on the 2nd of January and giving their credit card details, and maybe spending some money on some huge shorts and t-shirts in the gym’s shop before sodding off and allowing the thin people to enjoy bouncing around on their subsidised gym equipment.


I read all the time about the things that don’t make you thin.  Diets do not make you thin; it has been shown that when people diet they bounce back afterwards to even greater levels of obesity.  Sweeteners in your coffee do not make you thin; if you have sweeteners in your coffee then everyone knows that you are allowed a slice of cake with your coffee, meaning that you end up getting fatter, not thinner.  Exercise does not make you thin; if you exercise then you get hungrier, you eat more, you get fatter.  Gyms are part of this whole failing to get thin that is a part of modern life.   If you want to get thin then the only way you are going to do it is by stopping being a fat person.  You do that then you won’t need a gym because you won’t need to lose weight.


This sounds harsh until you realise that I do not mean a fat person as in a person who happens to carry a lot of fat.  That is not what a fat person is.  Thin people can carry a lot of fat.  This may make them look like fat people but they will never truly fit into the fat people culture because as soon as they stop trying then they will suddenly lose all that weight and become thin again, and this is why we hate them.  A fat person can also lose a lot of weight and he will look like a thin person but as soon as he stops putting the effort in he will put on a lot of weight and look just as fat as ever he did.  This is another reason we hate the thin people.  However, the shocking truth is that fat people are evolutionary winners.  We are designed by nature to store massive amounts of energy so that we can survive harsh winters.  We can gain far more energy from our food and we can accomplish far more on less energy.  We are natural athletes and warriors in a world that has found a new way to kill us.


The good news is we do not have to take this lying down.  Forget the gym; if your wallet is fat then maybe they can help you but if you are fat then your solution is simple.  You need to change the way you live your life.  It sounds harder than it is.  If you start to eat healthily then maybe you will not enjoy the food at first but after a while your body will reward you for making it healthier; you will find that you enjoy the healthy stuff far more and you will dislike the unhealthy stuff much more.  Of course you will have to put in a bit of effort.  When you are eating something you really like then try stopping eating while you are able to sit in an armchair without feeling pain from the massive bulk sitting in your stomach.  Maybe you don’t do this anyway but plenty of us do.  Sure you could eat for a couple of extra minutes, it is so delicious, but then think of all the extra years at the end of your life that you could eat delicious food that you would never be able to after having a coronary.


Aside from this try walking a bit more.  If you live within 4 miles of your workplace then it is not too difficult a walk, and even quite enjoyable if you are listening to an audio book.  You can learn languages that way.  You can read books whilst walking around the park.  Thing how enjoyable it would be to spend a few hours out in the fresh air and sun as well.  If their is an elevator then take the stairs.  If you are getting shopping then use the full shopping bags as dumb bells while you are walking.  Make your life active; that is the way to lose weight, then you don’t need a gym.


I decided to stop using a gym about 6 months ago.  Admittedly I wasn’t using it for anything other than a way to get rid of some of my wages every month.  Since giving up the gym my life has changed slowly but I am gradually turning into a thin person.  My mother remarked as she gave me a hug goodbye today that she could not only reach her arms all the way around me but she could almost touch her elbows as she did so.  A big change from not even coming close to touching her fingers together six months ago.  I have lost a massive amount of size around my stomach;  I have not lost so much around my waist, that has only dropped from 42” to 36”.  Weight wise I have not lost much at all.  If I were to go to a doctors I imagine that many nurses would tell me I was obese as I weigh almost 17 stone.  I would just laugh if they did though because most of that is muscle.


This change has come about without weights, without gyms, without bizarre contraptions.  All you need to do is be more active.  If you are sitting down then stand up.  If you are standing up then walk.  If you are walking then cycle.  These are not rules that you will have to live your life by for ever.  Once you understand the rules you will know how and when to break them.  These are just guidelines to get you moving in the right direction.  Gyms are not necessary.  Even sports are not necessary.  One of the hobbies that has helped me get thin best is photography; you have to walk to a nice place to get a nice photo.  That is how you are going to get thin, just live life in such a way that you naturally end up that way.  It is easier than you think, and it is even a little addictive.


About harrymonmouth

Full of grace and fair regard, a true lover of the holy church. The courses of his youth promised it not but his body has become a paradise enveloping and containing celestial spirits. He has a sudden scholar become after reformation, in a flood, with heady currance scoured his faults and unseated his Hydra-headed wilfulness. Hear him but reason in divinity, and all-admiring with an inward wish you would desire he were made a prelate: Hear him debate of commonwealth affairs, You would say it hath been all in all his study: List his discourse of war, and you shall hear a fearful battle render'd you in music: Turn him to any cause of policy, the Gordian knot of it he will unloose, familiar as his garter: that, when he speaks, the air, a charter'd libertine, is still, and the mute wonder lurketh in men's ears, to steal his sweet and honey'd sentences; so that the art and practic part of life must be the mistress to this theoric: Which is a wonder how he should glean it, since his addiction was to courses vain, his companies unletter'd, rude and shallow, his hours fill'd up with riots, banquets, sports, and never noted in him any study, any retirement, any sequestration from open haunts and popularity.

Posted on August 5, 2012, in Health, Top tips and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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